Need and wish strangle us. The way out is reason

I am aged and health problems have made me slower. Am I going to withdraw to a devout, ethereal, inner way of life? No I won’t. I have never been able to look at myself. I do not use a mirror, nnless I shave and comb my hair. I have never seen myself walk, wave my arms or even speak, laugh or weep. Some tell me, "It’s a Godsend; you haven’t let it go to your head." I reply, "No, it’s just a question of consciousness. When a young man, you see, I had a girl friend who was a ballet dancer. I used to see her exercising at the barre in front of a huge mirror in which she saw herself from top to toe; she was conscious of the show she had to embody. I personally can’t see what I am. The others are my mirror ; I look on myself in the others." This is why I apply myself to mentioning all that concerns all of us, for instance wish and need.
You come across wish or desire only once in The Revelation of Arès and find that it has an unfavorable meaning. It is about Adam rejecting the Design that the Creator has conceived for him and founding his own system (2/1-5), a fateful time that God translates into these words: A wish (or desire) for wedding enters the thigh (of Adam) (Rév of Arès vii/7). In this verse the concept of wish (or desire) is the opposite of the concept of need, a word that likewise appears only once in The Revelation of Arès to mean that the falcon has not (any need of) the law of the rats (xix/24). Does the unfrequency of the words, both having a negative sense in The Revelation of Arès, mean that we should not use them as terms of faith and life?
I have followed Father's advice, Do not answer on impulse, ask for some time to pray (Rev of Arès 39/2), and taken years to ponder on wish (or desire) and need. Here are two words which are very rare in the Word of Arès, but very frequent and significant in man's everyday life.
I need to move about, but I do not necessarily wish to go towards which faith turns me. This plain idea show the diffrence between both concepts
Need tallies with necessity. Wish tallies with attraction. People guffaw and say, "You’re merely stating the obvious !" Not so obvious. A lot of people can’t see the difference between need and wish and the others consider me as an irritating relativist. Now, I know the ways of the penitent, I know that penitence cannot succeed if it is not intelligent (Rev of Arès 32/5), therefore flexible. Ever since The Revelation of Arès started casting the gold of Truth — only Good will conquer evil — into hearts, intelligence regilt has held me aloof from the extremes. Relativity contrasts sharply in the raging world with religions, ideologies and prejudices, which nowadays have only an opposing view : metaphysical emptiness. Everyday our missionaries meet religions, ideologies, prejudices and metaphysical emptiness, which make their mission very hard.
I am just a common man. What have I as a common man observed?
That my need has an object forever: as well as to sleep, drink, eat end be clothed, I need to be loved, be forgiven, be in peace, be intelligently listened to, see people free from all prejudices about me.
That my wish or desire happens to have no objet: I happen not to wish to love or forgive anybody, not to make peace, not to think with intelligence, not to free myself from prejudices.
That need never loses attractiveness, but once I have gained whatever I wish, if I happen to wish something, my wish or desire can die.
That is the way revolutions and their ideologies bring about a strong wish for a new world, but once the new world is within reach, some have only corpes, ruins and bitterness left, others have the opportunity of ruling over their fellow citizens.
But what have I as an Arès Pilgrim experienced? A need or a wish to change my life (Rev of Arès 30/10-11) in order to change the world (28/7)?
Neither of them, because I have understood that to be between need and wish is like to be a tightrope walker between the rope stretched taut and a drop. The messages carefully calculated of compassion and brotherhood of the great religions have never broached the impervious barrel of individualism and selfishness. Our lives are strangled between the fingers of religion, politics, law, rules, calendars and timetables, the hands of need and wish or desire, which are inevitable, however you may live, because they are the antagonisms that make up freedom.
The way out is a third incentive : reason.
Reason like need and wish or desire is mentioned only once in The Revelation of Arès and has a pejorative meaning, Those are words of reason! the people that go back to bed exclaim (26/3) instead of entering unto penitence. But they exclaim so through antilogy, as they are aware deep down that the real language of reason is God’s Word.
Reason had popped his head round the door in the sixties, when after I had understood that Marxism was a misleading romanticism I looked for a way in varied fields and investigated the ocean of metaphysics; I ended up finding Christianity, which did not give me complete satisfaction, but appeared to me as a reasonable hypothesis.
And then reason grew and became strong and deterministic within me after Jesus’ visits and The Gospel given in Arès, 1974. It was like reason had referred to my timetable and said to itself, It’s my time ; now I will be understood and come true. Reason quit the ponderousness of need and the frivolousness of wish or desire then, went into me and fixed the big mechanism of the fantastic causes and effects, that penitence activates.
The reason that has led me has no kinship with need or wish anymore. It has become a mastery. I am now aware that only penitence is to lead me to salvation and lead the world to change into good, provided we never lose heart.
And finally, if I had not gained any need, or wish or desire, or reason to be a living penitent, what might well make me live? A few decades of breathing before I die like a dog; you might as well say that no one has given me birth.